Labor Support

Part 2: What Should Support People NOT Do During Labor And Birth?

Don't criticize and complain.
The mother needs support in laboring her own way, and suggestions for things to try. She doesn't need to be told that she is doing things wrong. During labor, women are very receptive to the things that are said to them. If you say to a laboring mom "You look exhausted," then she will feel even more exhausted!

Instead, the support person should notice for himself what mom's state is, and try to adapt suggestions to that: maybe it's time to try a resting position, or maybe it's time for a little extra emotional support.

Supporters should try not to ask open questions like:
What would you like to try next? Especially late in labor, you may not be able to think up any ideas, and will only find the questions stressful. It's better if they can say: "Here's three suggestions: which one of these things sounds best to you?"

Supporters should not try to encourage mom to do things that don't fit in with her hopes for the birth.
The most common example of this is mothers-to-be who were hoping for a non-medicated birth, but then have a support person who finds it difficult to see them in pain, so makes comments like "This is too much, honey, why don't we find out about pain medication?" Or "How much longer until you can have pain medication?"

Support people should try to keep their own issues out of the way, and focus on the birthing mother. During labor is not a good time for a husband to vent at his mother-in-law about how he "hates it when she does that!"

At the most basic level, laboring moms need to feel respected, loved, nurtured, and reassured. Breathing techniques, massage, and all sorts of other comfort techniques for labor help with pain, but this is the "big picture" of what mom needs to have a positive birth experience.