Do you ever feel like your child loves your partner more than you? Maybe they cry when it’s your turn to handle bedtime or turn away when you offer a hug. It’s heartbreaking to experience, though very common and happens to both moms and dads. It’s completely normal for kids to have a favorite parent – and that preference can switch from year to year, day to day, or even from moment to moment.
Your child needs you even on the days you might feel rejected. So what do you do?
Try not to take it personally. Easier said than done. Your child isn’t trying to hurt your feelings or punish you. You hold a special place in their life as one of their parents, even on the days it does not feel like that. It is our job as parents to build a bond with our child. We know it is not always easy to do!
Do something with your child every day. Build a routine of positive moments together. Diaper changes, bathing, tummy time are all great activities to build a bond. For toddlers, read together or get the mail together or play a certain game. Pick 1-2 activities that you and your child can do together most days. Those activities will change as kids get older. These daily moments of positive connection are so important.
Don’t start with bedtime. If your partner usually does bedtime, don’t try to suddenly switch. A rough bedtime can feel like a failure. Start building a bond with your child with short time together – 10 minutes a day doing something like reading to your child will gradually make a big difference. Work up to putting your child to bed if that has not been your usual routine.
Work with your partner: It is so important to build a bond with your child but hard to do if they scream for their other parent every time you try to hold them. Work with your partner to create space to build routines with your child on your own. For example, maybe there is one special toy that only you and your child play with together. Maybe there is one feeding time that you always do. You might gradually build a plan for your partner for each of you to leave the house one night a week so all parenting is done by one parent for a few hours. Over time, you will have your own routine with your kiddo.
You can do it! It can take some work to build a bond with your kiddo when they often turn to the other parent. Keep interactions consistent and positive for success. You got this!
Special Tip for New/Expectant Dads – Take our Conscious Fathering class! Dads can often feel left out in the early days of parenting, and that can become a difficult thing to overcome later. Our Conscious Fathering class is a three-hour course that helps dads know how to take care of their babies from day one. We cover the everyday tasks of diaper changes, midnight feedings, and bathtime — which help build the bond between you and your baby right from the start! You can learn more on our website. >>